His First Wife's Secret by Emma Robinson

Author:Emma Robinson [Robinson, Emma]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Women, Family Life, General, Psychological, Literary
ISBN: 9781838887896
Published: 2021-04-14T23:00:00+00:00

24

EMILY

Dark clouds loomed on the horizon and the park was empty, but Emily didn’t care. The witching hour was coming and this was her only hope of getting through it. As the evening approached, she could feel herself tightening with expectation. At five o’clock every night, it was like a switch went off in Dylan’s head and he’d start to scream. Relentlessly.

The first two nights after he was born, he just slept. Maybe he’d been exhausted from the traumatic birth – she definitely was – but she allowed herself to relax a little, to hope that things weren’t going to be as difficult as she’d feared they would. On day three, everything changed.

She’d been embarrassed to bring it up with the health visitor. All babies cried, didn’t they? She’d probably think Emily was an idiot. But Caroline had encouraged her, even sat with Emily as she tried to explain it. The health visitor hadn’t made her feel stupid, but she hadn’t been able to offer much advice, either. She’d said it was ‘just colic’ and would pass. There was no just about the level of his screams. They got higher and louder until it felt like a screwdriver through her brain. The health visitor had also said it happened a bit more often when babies were premature. Something else to feel guilty about.

Now, two weeks after her C-section, Emily could at least take him out for a walk in the pram to try and settle him; sometimes it would work, sometimes it wouldn’t. When it didn’t, she would have to endure the judgement which emanated from passers-by who clearly thought she didn’t care about her baby’s screams. It doesn’t make any difference, she wanted to say. I could pick him up or put him down and it doesn’t stop. The crying just won’t stop.

Though the July day was warm, the wind was getting up, and leaves gathered around the frame of the swings in front of her. They were the type with a cradle to keep smaller children safe. Twenty minutes ago, she’d watched a mother extricate her kicking toddler from inside, carrying her screaming under her arm back to the buggy. She’d nodded at Dylan’s pram. ‘Make the most of them at that age. It just gets harder.’ Emily had returned her well-meaning laugh with a smile she didn’t feel.

Even when Dylan’s crying was piercing, Caroline was amazing with him. For almost an hour, she would walk up and down the hallway, between the front door and the lounge, singing and rocking and shushing him until he gave in. When Emily tried the same thing, it just seemed to make it worse. Maybe it was her anxiety that he was picking up on. Or maybe she just wasn’t any good at this.

She hadn’t been able to feed him herself, either. Even though she had tried so hard. After his scary birth she felt like she owed it to him. But he wasn’t interested at all and it wasn’t helped by the fact that her milk had taken so long to come in.

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